No Need For Maid Service
by Galaxy1001D
Summary: When Sasami falls ill, Washu provides the housemates with a replacement cook: Tama, the adorable little android from the manga 'The All-New Tenchi Muyo'. She's programmed to attend to all of the housemates' needs, but is that too much of a good thing?
1. Chapter 1

**No Need For Maid Service**

_By Galaxy1001D._

Rated 'T' for toilet humor and potty mouths.

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer/Funamation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funamation, the author, or this website._

_Chapter One: No Need for Your Shots_

It was another peaceful day at the Masaki house. Outside, the birds were singing, the sun was shining, and Azaka and Kamadake were commenting on how nice the weather was. Inside the kitchen, Sasami had prepared a wonderful assortment of cakes and pastries. Drawn by the delicious aroma, Princess Ayeka tiptoed in, her crimson eyes darting left and right to find the source of the heavenly scent. Phasing through the wall like an ethereal ghost, the golden-eyed Ryoko glanced around hungrily.

"Well!" breathed an impressed Ayeka. "Looks like Sasami went all out!"

"Sure does," Ryoko nodded. "She's gonna make a lot of money at the bake sale today."

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt if we sampled it a little," Ayeka blushed with a guilty smile.

Ryoko's smile wasn't guilty. "Sure wouldn't! You read my mind, Princess!"

Both women reached for a pinkish cake covered with creamy frosting. Their fingers extended closer and closer to take one little taste…

"Ow!" Ryoko squawked as a ladle rapped her knuckles.

"Ay!" Ayeka chirped as she drew her injured hand away.

The two girls turned to face an angry little girl crossing her arms, her ladle still in hand. "You two should be ashamed of yourselves," Sasami scolded, her pink eyes flashing. "I can't believe that after all this time you still haven't learned any self control." The blue-haired princess turned her head and exhaled sadly. "I'm so disappointed in you."

"Hey wait!" Ryoko implored as she rubbed her sore hand. "We didn't mean anything by it!"

"Yes," Ayeka lowered her head in shame. "We're sorry. It just smelled so good that we couldn't help ourselves!"

"Did you prepare a little sampler version, just for us?" Ryoko asked hopefully.

Sasami sighed. "Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do with you two. It's like you're…" Sasami let her words trail away as her eyes became unfocused. "Like uh… Is it… getting hot in here?"

"Sasami!" the purple haired Ayeka gasped. "Are you all right?"

"Maybe you ought 'a sit down," a concerned Ryoko suggested.

"Oh…" Sasami's voice was so quiet that the girls had to strain to hear her. "Okay… I'll just sit down…here…" Her eyes drooped shut and she collapsed into Ayeka's arms.

"SASAMI!" screamed the panicked purple-haired princess.

It was not long before the redheaded Washu, the self-proclaimed greatest genius in the universe diagnosed the problem.

"Sasami has come down with Jurain Blood Burn, also known as Negishi Syndrome," Washu stated to Tenchi, Ayeka and Ryoko. "Although children usually recover without permanent disabilities, the disease is very dangerous to adults, and I don't even want to think about what will happen if it mutates in Earth's ecosystem. That's why until this thing passes I'm going to keep Sasami in the lab with me until she's no longer contagious."

"Will Sasami be okay?" Tenchi Masaki, mild mannered Japanese teenage boy and prince of Jurai asked the red haired genius. A rabbit/feline hybrid named Ryo-ohki was perched on his shoulder.

"She will if you guys leave her alone and let her get some bed rest," Washu told him. Her green eyes darted to Ryoko and Ayeka. "Well, I hope you're happy with yourselves! You've worn out poor Sasami's immune system by having her slave away for you lazy girls! Ya ought 'a be ashamed!"

"We are," Ayeka nodded sadly.

"Okay it's time for your shots," Washu said pulling three syringes out of a hole in space. "Nothing like shutting the barn door after the horse gets out. Still, better safe then sorry. Hold out your arms."

"Do we have to?" asked a squeamish Ayeka.

"Yeah, don't you have a pill we can take or something?" Ryoko brushed a hand nervously through her greenish white hair.

"For crying out loud," huffed Washu. "You girls make me sick! Both of you have been in combat! You know all about pain! What's the matter with you?"

"Needles make me nervous," Ayeka's voice was very quiet.

"Nothing's the matter with me!" Ryoko's voice was louder. "I just… would rather take a pill or drink some medicine that's all."

"Okay, crybaby," Washu crossed her arms in disgust. "There's some pills in the cabinet behind you.

Ryoko blinked her golden eyes and turned to see a medicine cabinet behind her that had not been there before. The fact that the medicine cabinet was designed to be mounted in the wall but was suspended in midair did not startle her in the least, but Tenchi took a step back in surprise. The cyan haired former space pirate drew a sigh of relief as she opened the cabinet's door to look for the pills. "Hey, there's nothing in here, the cabinet's empty…eeYOW!"

Before Tenchi and Ayeka's startled gaze, Washu had closed the distance between Ryoko and herself and managed to inoculate the tall angular woman through her kimono into one of her buttocks.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Ryoko danced a strange jig while clutching her injured posterior. "Damn you, Washu! You didn't have to trick me like that!"

"I thought it would be easier this way," Washu stated calmly.

"Easier?" snarled Ryoko, still clutching her smarting rump. "You call this easier?"

"Easier for me," Washu clarified, she turned to the first princess of Jurai. "Your turn lady Ayeka."

The purple haired girl gulped in trepidation.

After receiving their injections, Tenchi, Ayeka, and Ryoko returned to the family room by exiting the door under the stairs.

"Okay," Tenchi announced, as he unconsciously rubbed the sore spot on his arm. "We've got to clean this place from top to bottom! We don't want a trace of that Jurian blood burn or whatever it is to affect Mihoshi or Grandpa!"

"Or the rest of planet Earth," Ayeka added.

"Yeah," Ryoko nodded. "No planet is going to be ravaged by plague on my watch!"

Tenchi paled at the thought of that. He had assumed that the Jurain malady would not affect terrestrial life forms unless it mutated, but then, according to Washu, microscopic viruses and bacteria mutate all of the time. That was why colds and flus could only be treated, not cured. The thought of his hyperactive harem bringing Armageddon upon the Earth was horrifying. "Er uh, yeah…" he nodded weakly. "That's the spirit!" he added, emboldened by Ryoko's passion to prevent planetary destruction. "Let's go!"

Soon the trio was scrubbing the walls and floors with cleaners. The laundry machines were going full tilt, the dishes were washed all over again, and the beds got fresh sheets.

"Phew, this is a lot of work," Ayeka gasped as she wiped her arm over her sweating brow.

"Yeah, you said it," Tenchi puffed as he surveyed the house. "We've torn this place apart and we've only just begun cleaning it, and Mihoshi should be home any minute!"

"I hope Sasami has something good prepared for dinner," wheezed Ryoko as she removed her rubber gloves. "After all the work we've put into this place we deserve a little treat don't you think?"

As one the three exhausted housemates looked at each other in alarm.

"Sasami," Ayeka whispered softly.

"Sasami," Tenchi nodded grimly. "That's right. We forgot. Sasami's sick. She's in quarantine in Washu's lab."

"So who's going to fix dinner today?" Ryoko asked nervously.

They looked at one another, only to see three bedraggled people who were too exhausted and hungry to move, let alone cook a meal.

"Maybe Mihoshi could fix dinner today," Tenchi offered weakly.

At that moment the roar of a Galaxy Police pursuit shuttle could be heard over the lake outside the house. Detective First Class Mihoshi Kuramitsu still had problems with landing in a forested, mountainous region without the benefit of tractor beams, spaceport control, or homing beacons so she always aimed for the lake in front of the Masaki residence. It had the added benefit of concealing her shuttle from prying eyes and alerting the residents of Earth to the presence of an alien spacecraft as well.

"Mihoshi," Ryoko breathed a sigh of relief.

"Mihoshi," Tenchi nodded. "She's home!"

"Thank goodness she's back," sighed a defeated Ayeka. Although she hated to admit it, Mihoshi kept a better house than Ryoko _or_ Ayeka.

Soon the door opened to reveal a weary Mihoshi. "Hi guys," said the normally cheery and chipper young woman as she took off her hat and dusted it off. "You won't believe the day that I had at work today! I must have chased that criminal all the way to the Arcturus system. He just wouldn't give up!" The bronze-skinned blonde removed what appeared to be a large fluffy cotton ball from her hip and it changed into a crystalline pink cube. "I had to get out of my space ship and chase him on foot through the space station before I finally caught up with him…" The cube turned in her hands like a puzzle box and her blue Galaxy Police uniform vanished to be replaced by a pink sweater and tan slacks. "It took four of us to wrestle him to the ground and…" Mihoshi's blue eyes blinked in surprise as she surveyed the disheveled house. "Hey what's going on around here?" she asked. "Did Ayeka and Ryoko get in a fight or what?"

"No," Ryoko growled. "We didn't get in a fight! Why would you think that?"

"We've been cleaning the house you bubble-brain!" Ayeka snapped irritably. "The house is a mess, the furniture has been moved, and the house smells like disinfectant! Use your brain for once in your life, why don't you?"

"All right, all right, calm down!" Mihoshi waved her hands in a placating gesture. "I didn't mean anything by it, sheesh!"

"Sorry about that, Mihoshi," Tenchi wheezed. "We've been cleaning the house all day and we're all tired and irritable."

"Yeah, I can relate," the leggy blonde said as she walked towards the stairs. "Tell you what, I'll stay out of your way. I'm going to go upstairs and take a nap, okay? Wake me when Sasami has dinner ready."

A chorus of groans greeted that statement, causing the space cop to turn.

"What?" Mihoshi asked somewhat snippily. "What did I say now?"

"Sasami isn't feeling well," Ayeka sighed quietly.

"She's got a disease that could wipe the human race off the face of the Earth!" Ryoko exclaimed, attempting to draw upon her last reserves of strength. "That's why we've got to clean up this dump!"

"Oh my!" Mihoshi exclaimed. "Really?"

"Yes," Tenchi nodded sadly. "We've got to clean and disinfect everything to keep it from spreading. Oh yeah, before I forget. Remember to check in with Washu and get your shots."

"Shots?!" Mihoshi took a step back and her eyes got as wide as saucers. "B-but I've got the Galaxy Police nanites in my bloodstream! They're supposed to protect me from any disease in the universe!"

"But this is Jurian Blood Burn," Tenchi insisted. "It's an alien disease. We don't know what it will do to you or if your nanites will protect you…" Tenchi stopped to think about his statement. He forgot that Mihoshi was an alien too. For all he knew the nanite-things that Mihoshi had mentioned could protect her. Still she should check with Washu just to be safe. "C'mon, just go see Washu and make sure you're safe, okay?"

It was too late. In less than an instant Mihoshi had gone from responsible adult to frightened child. "I don't want to get another shot! Don't make me!"

"Now come on!" Ryoko growled. "We had to have one!"

"Yes," frowned Ayeka. "You have some nerve to think that _you're_ immune!"

"Now calm down, Mihoshi," Tenchi held out his hands and slowly approached the trembling blonde. "This is for your own good…"

"Yeagh!" Mihoshi cried. "Get away from me!"

"Grab her!" Ryoko cried as she lunged towards the evading blonde.

Mihoshi screamed and jumped to the side, tumbled to the floor, rolled to her feet and dashed outside.

"Mihoshi!" Ayeka called. "Come back!"

"Oh no!" Tenchi groaned as he ran after the fleeing blonde.

Ryoko vanished in a flash of pink energy only to reappear next to the panicked cop and grab her arm. "Come on, you fraidy cat!"

"Oh no!" tears poured out of Mihoshi's eyes as Tenchi and Ayeka tackled her to the ground. "I don't want a shot! Let me go…!"

_Next: No Need to Break the Fourth Wall_


	2. No Need To Break the Fourth Wall

**No Need For Maid Service**

_By Galaxy1001D._

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer/Funamation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funamation, the author, or this website. _

_Chapter Two: No Need to Break the Fourth Wall_

Soon Washu heard a knock at her door. "What is it?" she snapped irritably as she opened the door. "Sasami can't come out and cook for you! Oh…" She stopped as she noticed that Tenchi, Ayeka, and Ryoko held a struggling Mihoshi in their arms. Tenchi and Ayeka each had one leg, and Ryoko had the girl's arms. Washu cleared her throat awkwardly. "I see that Mihoshi is ready for her shot."

"I'm afraid of needles!" Mihoshi sobbed weakly.

"We're _all_ afraid of needles!" Ayeka snapped. "Just suck it up and take it like a man why don't you?"

"But I'm a woman…" Mihoshi insisted.

Tenchi blinked in surprise. Somehow, Washu had retrieved her syringe and changed into her nurse's outfit in the blink of an eye without him noticing.

"Okay," Washu said as she strode over to the struggling blonde. "Hold out her arm…"

"Eeyah!" Mihoshi screamed as Washu grasped her arm with a rubber glove. "It hurts!"

"Pipe down ya big baby," Washu scolded. "I haven't even given you the shot yet!"

"Oh," a sheepish Mihoshi blushed. "I'm sorry, your hand was cold. Ouch!"

"There," Washu swabbed the girl's arm was the others released her. All done." The little carrot top glanced around the room in wonder. "Wow, you must have really put up a fight. This place is a mess!"

"What are you talking about?" Ryoko brandished her fist as steam hissed out of her ears. "We've been cleaning the house! We've been working all day!"

"Really?" Washu eyed her lazy daughter skeptically. "Why?"

"To get rid of the plague you told us about," Ryoko retorted with her hands on her hips, "the Jurian Blood Burn that Sasami has, remember?"

"What? Oh! Yes!" the pint-sized genius seemed off balance for a moment. "That's right! The Jurian Blood Burn. Good call. The whole house should be sterilized. Yup."

"Miss Washu," an exhausted Ayeka asked timidly. "I don't suppose that you could cook for us, could you? I mean, we're all very tired and we forgot about dinner."

"Sorry," Washu shrugged as she turned her back to go back to the door under the stairs. "I'm only cooking for Sasami and myself right now. I guess you guys are going to have to fend for yourselves or starve."

Ayeka growled and picked up a floor lamp and prepared to strike the redhead from behind.

"That would be my normal response of course," Washu put her hand to her chin in thought, "but since you all worked so hard, I'm sure I can help ya all out. Wait here." With that, the little redhead vanished through the portal into her lab.

Ayeka blushed as she set the floor lamp down and glanced guiltily at the others. Ryoko, Mihoshi, and Tenchi were staring at her in disbelief. Well, Tenchi and Mihoshi were anyway. Ryoko just shrugged and let it go. Mihoshi and Tenchi were _trying_ to ignore what Ayeka almost did, but were having a tougher time. Ayeka chuckled self-consciously and muttered. "Boy we sure get cranky when we're hungry, huh?"

To Ayeka's relief the door under the stairs opened and Washu in her normal attire of blouse, shorts, and stockings emerged, followed by a shorter girl. The quartet murmured in surprise as they examined the little girl that followed Washu out.

"Ladies and Tenchimen," Washu announced. "Here is your new cook."

"Hi there," said the girl in a high-pitched imitation of Washu's voice.

"Huh?" Ryoko, Tenchi, Ayeka and Mihoshi murmured again.

The girl appeared to be a six-year-old girl wearing a black and white maid's uniform. Her skin was a golden orange and her hair was snow white. Her face and hairstyle looked very much like Washu.

"Who's this?" Ryoko asked point blank. The little girl's face fell and she looked crestfallen.

"What?" Washu crossed her arms. "Don't tell me that you don't remember Tama!"

"Who?" Ayeka asked before she could stop herself.

"You know, Tama," Washu retorted. "My assistant. My creation. She helps out in the lab and occasionally in the house. Remember?"

The housemates shook their heads. Tama's lip trembled sadly, and then she sat down and put her hands over her face.

Washu's voice rose as her irritation increased. "You know, Tama, from _The All New Tenchi Muyo_ by Hitoshi Okuda. She was introduced at the end of Volume Three."

Blank looks greeted the short scientist's remarks.

"I said 'cute characters don't grow on trees', remember?"

"Uhh," Mihoshi mumbled. "Was I in the room when you said that?"

Washu was now almost shouting. "You remember, 'Dark Washu', the crystalline artificial intelligence I created to test my security system! Thousands of years after Kagato imprisoned me, Doctor Clay took control of her so he could get revenge on me after we captured him, remember?"

"I remember 'Dark Washu,'" Ayeka's brow furrowed in thought, "but as for this 'Tama'…"

"Oh yeah," Ryoko nodded. "After we defeated 'Dark Washu' you took all the little bits that was left and made a little robot maid out of her. That's right…"

"What's the matter with you people?" Washu shouted.

"Well you can't blame us," Mihoshi shrugged. "I don't remember much of the 'Dark Washu' storyline, but didn't you erase our memories in that story?"

"I didn't trust her, so we got into a fight in Volume Four, right?" Ryoko pursed her lips in thought. "Funny I don't remember Tama appearing after Volume Four…"

"She wasn't a major character," Washu snapped. "She simply showed up intermittently and had no impact on any of the stories. When she wasn't on stage it was assumed that she was in my lab."

"She was introduced at the end of Volume Three?" Mihoshi rolled her blue eyes as she struggled to remember. "Hm. If memory serves me, wasn't there a Pretty Sammy story at the end of Volume Three?"

"That was in _No Need For Tenchi_," Washu huffed. "Tama was introduced in the second manga series, _The All New Tenchi Muyo_. That's what made it 'All New'. It was the _second_ comic book series, not the first."

"Oh," Mihoshi nodded to herself. "Right…"

"I'm sorry Miss Washu," Ayeka bowed contritely. "After the third OVA series came out I haven't bothered to remember the Okuda continuity."

"Do you see Noike around here?" Washu asked pointedly. "Didn't think so," she snorted without waiting for a reply. "That means this story is in the Hitoshi Okuda continuity that is loosely based off the first and second OVA's."

Meanwhile, Tenchi was trying to coax the little android out of her depression. "Tama, I remember you now. I'm awfully sorry for forgetting you. You shouldn't spend so much time in Washu's lab."

"Really?" Tama's high-pitched voice made her sound like Washu trying to imitate Mihoshi. "You really remember me?"

"Sure…" Tenchi smiled broadly. "I remember you. Mihoshi, you remember little Tama right?"

"Who is she again?" the clueless blonde asked. "Ouch!" she squeaked when Ayeka jabbed her roughly with her elbow. "Right…" Mihoshi smiled a wide-eyed grin. "Tama. Right… Oh yeah. I remember Tama. We hang out all the time. Yup. Tama and Mihoshi! The inseparable duo, that's us!"

"Don't overdo it!" Ayeka growled in Mihoshi's ear.

"Sorry," the blonde shrugged. "I just wanted to make her feel like part of the family…"

"Shut up already!" Ayeka snarled. She put her hand over her mouth when she realized that she was louder than she intended. Her voice rose an octave as her manner became all sweetness and light. "Of course, Tama," she cooed as she walked over and knelt to face the little android. "_Of course_ we remember you! Our household wouldn't be complete without _you_ would it?"

Tama smiled gratefully and hugged Ayeka, who hugged her back and gave Mihoshi and Ryoko dirty looks.

"Well," Ryoko sighed looking tired and bored. "This is touching and everything, but I for one am ready for dinner."

"That shouldn't be a problem." Washu replied patting Tama's head affectionately. "Tama has been programmed with Sasami's skill in the kitchen and she can help out with all the chores. There's not a thing to worry about."

"Are you sure there's no 'Dark Washu' in little Tama, Little Washu?" Tenchi asked quietly after the others left to go to the kitchen.

"Not to worry," Washu assured him. "All security and military software has been removed and replaced with domestic, culinary, and maintenance programs. She's perfectly safe."

"You're sure?" Tenchi always got a sinking feeling when it came to Washu's inventions.

"Positive," Washu nodded confidently. "She has a sweet personality, and as a failsafe she's been programmed to obey a human order." Washu turned and opened the door to the laboratory that was hidden in interdimensional transcendental space, then paused and turned back to Tenchi. "With one exception," she added. "She won't accept a direct order to harm another person."

"Whew," the boy exhaled. "That's a relief. Take care of Sasami, Little Washu."

"Don't worry Tenchi," Washu waved in dismissal. "I will."

In the kitchen, Ryoko, Ayeka and Mihoshi were amazed watching the tiny android zoom around the kitchen. She moved so fast and so precisely that it was like watching a film sped up.

"It will take a while for the food to cook," little Tama smiled up at the women. "In the meantime, I might as well clean up around here."

As one the astonished women silently nodded as Tama zipped out of the kitchen at lightning fast speed. Ryoko's vision was preternaturally discerning. She could see that Tama was _walking_ at hyper speed, not dashing around as if she was in a race. Her movements were exact, with no unnecessary action, no wasted motion. It was downright eerie, actually.

In the living room Tenchi got dizzy trying to track Tama was she zipped around the room, putting things away, straightening furniture, and cleaning the windows. "Whoa!" he exclaimed as he surveyed the sparkling clean and tidy living room that had just seconds ago looked like a disaster area.

Ayeka and Ryoko stared slack-jawed at the android's achievement from just outside the kitchen. They moved out of the way when Tama zoomed between them to return to the kitchen. They stared at each other in disbelief, and then slowly smiled sinisterly.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Ryoko?" the princess asked her rival.

"I sure am," Ryoko grinned evilly. "It looks like cleaning the house will be a snap!"

_Next: No Need to Overindulge_


	3. No Need to Overindulge

**No Ne****ed For Maid Service**

_By Galaxy1001D._

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer/Funamation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funamation, the author, or this website._

_Chapter Three: No Need to Overindulge_

With Tama taking care of the house, life at the Masaki shrine got back to normal. Well, as normal as life can be with a robot maid that resembles a six-year-old Washu taking care of the house.

Ayeka and Ryoko were sitting in lawn chairs admiring the sun shining over the lake. Between them was a little table that had a silver dinnerbell on it.

"Mmm," Ryoko yawned. "What a beautiful day."

"It certainly is," Ayeka agreed. "Look at the mountains…and the trees…and the water… We never really take time to see the beauty around us do we?"

"I could go for an ice cream sundae," Ryoko sighed.

"Me too," Ayeka said as she reached for the dinner bell. "Oh Tama dear…" she called sweetly as she rung the little bell. The little android appeared at the princess' side. "Are you busy? We could really go for an ice cream sundae."

"Certainly Lady Ayeka, right away," Tama cheerfully chirped before she walked away at hyperspeed. As the princess set the bell back down on the little table Tama was back with a tray that held two ice cream sundaes. "Here you go, two ice cream sundaes," the little robot smiled as she set the tray down on the table next to the bell. She pulled two spoons and two long red straws out of her apron pocket and put them in the sundaes.

"Thank you Tama," Ayeka said as she straightened her sunglasses. "Your service is impeccable as always."

"How sweet of you to say so," Tama curtseyed. "You're welcome Lady Ayeka. I'm going to work on the laundry now. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

"Okay!" Ayeka called as the childlike android disappeared into the distance. "I will! Thanks!"

"So this is what it's like to be a princess," Ryoko mused. "Not bad."

"What are you talking about?" Ayeka teased. "You act like this all the time, Ryoko."

"Sez you," the pirate snorted. "I'm just not used to getting my way, that's all."

"I hate to admit it, but Sasami would never cater to us like this," Ayeka mused.

"Heh," Ryoko laughed. "Ya got that right! Sasami would be saying things like 'you can't have that' or 'it would spoil your dinner' or something like that!"

"Yes, she would," Ayeka nodded dreamily, "but Tama isn't as strict. She does anything you tell her."

Both Ayeka and Ryoko cackled like two witches over a cauldron.

"What's so funny?" asked a sweating Tenchi carrying a garden hoe.

"Nothing," the two women chorused.

"What are you doing just sitting on your bottoms like this?" Tenchi scolded. "I thought you two were going to finish cleaning the house today. I've been in the garden planting carrots for Ryo-ohki and you two have been sitting like two logs on the patio!"

"Umm," Ayeka stammered guiltily.

"Have you sterilized the second floor?" the boy asked.

"Tama did it," Ryoko shrugged.

"Cleaned out and refilled the refrigerator?" Tenchi asked.

"Tama did it," Ryoko repeated.

"What about the laundry?" Tenchi demanded.

"Look behind you," Ryoko responded.

Tenchi turned to see nearly every piece of clothing in the house drying on clotheslines that had been erected while his back was turned. When he faced Ayeka and Ryoko again, he was still irritated. "Ayeka! Ryoko! For shame!"

"What's the matter?" Ryoko sat up, concerned for the first time.

"I'm ashamed of you two, taking advantage of Tama like that!" The boy shook his head in disgust. "You know she can't refuse the human order. You're making her your slave!"

"It's not our fault," Ayeka insisted. "She likes being helpful around the house. Honestly. She does. Just ask her."

Tenchi wasn't convinced. "She likes being helpful because that's the way she was programmed," he insisted. "She was programmed to obey and you two are taking advantage of that! Mihoshi is fighting crime in outer space and I'm working my tail off in the garden, and you two are just sitting there!"

"Why don't you sit down and take a load off, Tenchi?" Ryoko suggested.

"Yes," the princess nodded. "I'm sure that little Tama could help you out in the garden."

"No thank you," Tenchi scowled. "You two work her hard enough. I'm not going to take advantage of her too."

"That's so mean," Ryoko teased. "You know how much Tama likes to help out."

"Oh what's the use?" Tenchi grumbled as he stormed back to the carrot fields.

Ayeka and Ryoko erupted into laughter.

"Hey Ayeka?" Ryoko pondered. "You know what would go great with these sundaes?"

"What?"

"A slice of cheesecake," Ryoko stroked her chin thoughtfully.

"Cheesecake with ice cream?" Ayeka snorted. "The very idea!" The princess' voice became thoughtful as she considered it. "Although… I've never tried cheesecake with an ice cream sundae before…" She picked up the little bell and rang it. "Oh Tama…" she called.

"Yes, Lady Ayeka?" the smiling android asked her. She hadn't been there before but had moved so fast it was as if she could teleport.

"Ryoko and I would like to try having a piece of cheesecake with our ice cream," Ayeka said sweetly as she set the dinner bell back on the table. "If it's not too much trouble."

"It's no trouble at all, Princess Ayeka," Tama curtseyed. "I'd be happy to make some cheesecake for you."

"And a glass of milk," Ryoko added.

"Thank you ever so much," Ayeka clasped her hands together in gratitude. "You are so helpful around the house, Tama."

"Glad to be of service," Tama responded. "I'll have your cheesecake and milk ready in a minute." The robot maid curtseyed again to the lounging women. "Lady Ayeka. Lady Ryoko." With that the tiny android walked away at hyper speed, appearing only as a blur to the naked eye.

"That's funny," Ayeka shrugged. "I don't remember Tama being that fast in _The All-New Tenchi Muyo_."

"Washu probably gave her an upgrade," Ryoko shrugged. "You know how it is. Sasami grows an inch; Tama gets an upgrade. Washu probably needs the help maintaining her interdimensional laboratory. It's huge in there."

"How big do you think it is, anyway?" Ayeka speculated.

"I dunno," Ryoko yawned. "Probably as big as the city of Tokyo by now, or that place where the Americans put that Galaxy Police unmanned surveillance balloon, what's it called? Area 54."

Meanwhile in the carrot field, Tenchi was getting angrier and angrier. "Those girls! I can't believe it! How can they be so lazy? Huh?" He spied Tama carrying Ayeka on her lawn chair.

Somehow the child size android was able to carry the idle princess and maintain her balance while still _walking_ over thirty miles an hour. She gently set the princess and her chair down facing the carrot field and then zipped off only to return with Ryoko in _her_ chair.

Tenchi scratched his head in disbelief as he watched the two ladies relaxing as Tama served them cheesecake and milk. He shook his head. "Those girls are too much."

Meanwhile the two indolent women kicked back and watched Tenchi working in the carrot field.

"Look at Tenchi," Ayeka blushed. "He looks so sexy working in the field with his shirt off."

"You can say that again," snickered Ryoko. She cupped her hands and called out the boy. "Hey Tenchi! Work it, baby! Work that body! Let's see those muscles glisten!"

"This is better than television," Ayeka murmured guiltily. "I feel so naughty! Still, it's hard to look away!"

Tenchi pounded the ground with his hoe harder and harder as Ryoko jeered and cheered. His face got red and his scowl got broader. Soon he was so angry that he wasn't even paying attention to his work, he was just taking his frustration on the earth beneath him. He stole a glance at the languid ladies and gritted his teeth. Tama was serving them cold drinks. "Those lazy…OUCH!" Tenchi had inadvertently struck his sandaled foot with the hoe. It felt like someone had taken an axe and tried to cut his foot in half.

"Tenchi!" Ayeka cried out and sat up in her chair.

"Tenchi!" Ryoko called as she vanished, only to reappear next to the injured boy. "Don't try to walk, Tenchi! We'll get you into the house!"

"Tenchi!" Ayeka cried as she and Tama ran up. "Are you all right?"

Only later would Tenchi notice that Tama seemed to move much slower when she ran than when she walked.

Soon the boy was on the couch in front of the television with his foot in a cast. Tama was apparently programmed in first aid and medicine too. She had done an excellent job of taping and setting his foot.

"Are you alright, Lord Tenchi?" Ayeka asked while sitting next him on the couch.

"How's the foot?" Ryoko was sitting on his the other side.

"I'm trying not to think about my foot," Tenchi grumbled. He didn't know who he was more angry with, the girls or himself.

"Here," Tama offered him a tray with a large bowl of stir-fried meats and vegetables. "Have some sukiyaki, it will help you get your strength back."

"Thank you, Tama," he nodded gratefully.

"I'll have some too," the princess chirped.

"Me too," said Ryoko as she extended a forefinger into the air.

Tenchi couldn't do much for the rest of the day aside of watch TV and eat. It was hard to say no to the little robot's cooking, for Washu had indeed bestowed Tama with Sasami's culinary expertise. He supposed that Washu had technology that could heal his foot, but he didn't want to enter her lab for fear of catching the Jurian Blood Burn that Washu had told him about. Wasn't it supposed to be more dangerous for adults?

Ayeka and Ryoko stayed by his side the entire time. Thanks to Tama, they didn't need to get up and prepare dinner, or in fact, do anything at all. Tenchi noticed that they didn't even seem to need to go to the restroom, despite the incredible amounts of food they ate. Perhaps being aliens, they digested their food differently and didn't have to go as much? He could only guess, because he was certainly not going to ask.

Meanwhile, in the interdimensional complex that was Washu's lab, a bored and ailing Sasami wandered out of a recovery room to see Washu in her lab coat hunched over in study of a lump of brownish substance in a dish. Ryo-ohki was grooming herself in a corner.

"Hi Washu," the little princess called weakly. "What are you doing?"

"Oh hi Sasami," Washu greeted while removing her goggles with hands clad in rubber gloves. "I'm just studying your sister's stool sample."

Sasami put her hands over her nose in horror and backed away. "Eww! That's gross!"

"No it's not," Washu shook her head. "Come over here and take a sniff."

"Eww," Sasami hesitantly took a step forward. "Do I have to?"

"Come on," Washu assured her. "Take a sniff. It won't bite, I promise."

The little princess ambled over to join the eccentric scientist. Soon both of them had their noses less than three inches away from the product of Ayeka's meals.

"What's going on?" Sasami asked. "I can't smell anything at all!"

"You see?" Washu grinned mischievously. "It really _doesn't_ stink!"

"Wow!"

_Next: No Need for Full Stomachs_


	4. No Need For Full Stomachs

**No Need For Maid Service**

_By Galaxy1001D._

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer/Funamation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funamation, the author, or this website._

_Chapter Four: No Need for Full Stomachs_

In her spaceship, Mihoshi was in leotards jogging on a treadmill. "Oh my! I've really let myself go this time! Tama is such a good cook, and she always lets us have seconds. I must have gained ten pounds! If I don't get myself back into shape even the flabby criminals will be able to outrun me! I've got to lose some weight before it affects my arrest record!"

As the long legged blonde jogged to the tune of peppy music a device strapped to her wrist began to chirp for attention. "Huh?" She glanced down at her wrist. "Yee-ah!" She had stopped jogging and fallen backward off the treadmill with her arms and flailing for something to break her fall. "Ouch that hurts…" she murmured from the floor.

"Mihoshi," called a high pitched, snippy and vaguely masculine voice. "Mihoshi, do you hear me? We have almost reached the Earth."

"Yukinojyo, you worry too much," Mihoshi said to the spaceship's artificial intelligence unit. "Simply lock onto the landing beacon and activate the proper landing program."

"Mihoshi," the AI responded with a strange mixture of irritation and patience, "As I have informed you seventeen times in the past, there is no landing beacon at the Masaki shrine. If you do not take control of landing procedures yourself I cannot be responsible for the safety of this ship."

"What?" Mihoshi blinked in surprise. "Oh right…!" she giggled to herself. "How silly of me! Of course there's no landing beacon at the Masaki shrine! There isn't even a runway!" Immediately, the comely cop went to her room to change out of her exercise clothes.

"Mihoshi," Yukinojyo admonished her, "there is no need for you to change into your uniform. You are returning to Earth in order to go off duty. There is no need to for you to change clothing!"

"Even so, there are some professional standards that must be maintained," the blonde insisted as she removed her leotards and tee shirt.

"Mihoshi," the artificial intelligence's voice became more urgent. "It is highly recommended that you return to the helm at once!"

"Come on, just give me a moment," said the blonde as she put her long tan legs into her trousers. "I'll be right there, I promise."

"Officer Mihoshi!" Yukinojyo's voice became shrill as all pretense of mechanical calm was stripped away. "You are needed in the cockpit, right now!"

"Keep your shirt on, you worry too much," the blonde bombshell called as she put on her duronium breastplate and standard issue Galaxy Police blouse.

Red lights started flashing. The ship began to vibrate.

"Mihoshi!" the artificial intelligence seemed to be on the verge of panic. "We are entering Earth's atmosphere! You are needed at the controls or we shall crash!"

"I can't find my boots…"

"That is irrelevant! The ship is going to crash, Mihoshi!"

"Wait, here they are. I'm on my way…"

In the cockpit, Yukinojyo manifested as a set of binocular lenses suspended by an extending boom out of the roof to vaguely resemble a head and a neck. "Mihoshi!" the frantic artificial intelligence screeched as the blonde entered the room. "The ship is out of control! We are going to crash!"

"What?" the bronze-skinned woman sat down and fastened her seatbelt. "Oh my! Aim for the lake!"

"Yeeah!" Yukinojyo screamed in a tinny voice.

"Aaaah!" Mihoshi cried as the ship entered the lake.

The splash that Mihoshi's shuttle made caused enough water to fly into the air for rain to fall for nearly two minutes.

Soon the bedraggled, waterlogged form of Mihoshi wandered into the Masaki house. "Oh my poor ship," the bedraggled blonde moaned. "I sure hope Washu is willing to fix it." Water dripping off her lanky form, the pitiful policewoman wandered into the house to see two prostrate forms lounging on the couch. "Ayeka?" she asked in disbelief. "Ryoko?"

At first glance it was as if two strangers were dressed as the first princess of Jurai and the most feared space pirate in recorded history. Ayeka's loose and voluminous robes had often created the illusion that the princess had a heavier build than she really had. Today it appeared that her large robes were…tight. Very tight. It was as if the princess was hiding a collection of pillows in her clothing. Her round innocent face was mostly unchanged, but she didn't seem to have a neck.

Ryoko was wearing her blue kimono with lime green stripes. Her lean and predatory face was replaced by a cherubic countenance whose golden eyes and cyan-white hair were the only indications that this was the famous space pirate and not an overweight fangirl at a costume convention. Her body seemed so round it was as if she was an amusement park mascot instead of a real person.

"Wha?" Mihoshi gasped. "What happened here?"

"Mihoshi," Ayeka replied without interest. "You're home."

"About time," Ryoko growled. "You scared the stuffing out of me when you crashed your spaceship, Mihoshi."

"At least she didn't destroy the house this time," the princess sighed.

"Thank gawd for small favors," Ryoko shrugged with plump shoulders.

"I…Ayeka? Ryoko?" stammered the unbelieving Mihoshi. "What happened to you two? Do you have space mumps or what?"

"Space mumps?" the princess asked.

"What are you talking about?" Ryoko wondered.

"Did you get stung by the giant honeybees of Regulus Four?" asked the bewildered blonde. "You've really swelled up! It's a good thing you're not allergic. I knew a guy on the force who got stung by one and his eyes boiled out of his head like a science fair volcano!"

"Swelled up?" the purple haired princess growled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ryoko demanded.

Mihoshi put her hand on her hips and her voice assumed a scolding tone. "I mean, just look at yourselves! You've swelled up so much that you look like two watermelons sitting on the couch! What happened to you, did Washu hit you with a ray gun or something?"

"What is she talking about?" Ayeka looked at Ryoko.

"Beats me," the ball-shaped buccaneer shrugged. "When she talks, I usually think of show tunes until the noise stops."

"Oh my goodness!" Mihoshi exclaimed. "You don't see it? What happened to you? You look like those Russian dolls that are shaped like eggs and have the smaller dolls inside them!"

"Hey!" Ryoko frowned. "Are you saying we're _fat_?"

"Well," Ayeka giggled. "That outfit does make you look big, Ryoko."

"Oh yeah?" the corpulent criminal snarled. "Your fancy robes make you look as big as a house, Ayeka!"

"Now just one minute," Ayeka retorted. "How dare you imply that I'm overweight! My clothes do not make me look fat at all!"

"Sez you, ya big tubbo," Ryoko growled.

"Oh really?" Ayeka's eyes became narrow slits. "Well I'm not going to take that one, lying down! You've crossed the line, this time, Ryoko!"

"Like I care," Ryoko clenched the stubby fingers on her hands into fists. "Put up your dukes, Ayeka!"

Both girls struggled to get up but thrashed around on the couch like two beached whales. "Errgh!" "Unh!" "Guh!"

"What…what's happening?" Ayeka gasped.

"Something's keeping us from getting up!" Ryoko cried. "It's as if there's some gravity field holding us down or something!"

"What do we do?" Ayeka whimpered. "We're helpless!"

"For starters you could try pushing away from the table," Tenchi's voice caused the girls to turn their heads in his direction. Tenchi was hobbling around on a crutch and his stomach had swollen until it appeared that he was hiding a beach ball under his shirt.

"Tenchi!" Mihoshi asked with tears in her eyes. "What has happened to you all?"

"It's Tama," he sighed. "She's such a good cook, that we eat even when we're not hungry."

"What?" blinked the bewildered blonde.

"I mean we eat even when we're full!" Tenchi growled. "We make total pigs of ourselves, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

In the meantime Ayeka and Ryoko were still struggling to move. "Can't… reach… the dinnerbell," Ayeka groaned, her pudgy fingers just inches away from the silver bell on the coffee table.

"I moved it when you two fell asleep," Tenchi smirked. "I wanted to see if you'd notice."

"Don't tell me that you're too fat to reach the dinnerbell," Ryoko complained.

"I… can… reach it…" Ayeka gritted her teeth. Sweat rolled down her face as she reached in vain for the bell.

"Do you need any help?" Tenchi mocked.

"No I don't need help!" Ayeka snapped. "I… (grunt) can reach it… (gasp) without your help!" Her stubby fingers could barely touch the handle of the bell but she couldn't quite get a hold of it.

"Did somebody ask for _help_?" Tama entered the room smiling genially.

"Yes please," Ayeka puffed. "Could you hand me the bell so I could summon you?"

"Okay," the robot maid smiled as she handed the pudgy princess the bell.

"Uhh," Ayeka groaned when she realized that she didn't need the bell anymore. She recovered quickly. "Tama darling, could you go get Lady Washu? We have a little problem that needs solving, dear."

"Are you sure I couldn't help you, Princess Ayeka?" Tama asked with a concerned look on her face.

"No-no!" Ayeka assured her. "Just go get Lady Washu, would you dear?"

"Of course, Lady Ayeka," Tama curtseyed.

Mihoshi chimed in before Tama vanished. "And after that, could you cook up some of that Italian food you made the other day? It was delicious!"

"Of course, Lady Mihoshi," Tama's cheerful voice was eerily reminiscent of Mihoshi's own. It sounded like Mihoshi was trapped in Washu's body or something. The robot maid knocked on the door to Washu's laboratory while Tenchi hobbled over to the couch. "Oh master, could you come out for a minute?"

"What is it?" Washu's face appeared at in the window at the top of the door. "It better be important. I'm busy."

"Lady Ayeka has a problem that only you can solve," Tama insisted meekly.

"All right," Washu opened the door. "What does she want? I programmed _you_ to attend to all her needs…Hey! Why is everybody sitting on the couch?" The petite redhead walked over to the couch and then squawked in surprise. "Awk! What _happened_ to you guys? How did you all get so _fat_?"

Ryoko and Ayeka made pitiful murmurs at the same time, but it was difficult to understand them.

"It's Tama," Tenchi groaned as she watched the android set the dinner table at hyperspeed. "You made her _too_ user friendly."

"'Too user friendly'?" Washu repeated. "What do you mean?"

"I mean she does _anything_ you tell her," Tenchi shook his head. "Anything."

"You better not have been doin' anything with my android or I'll run experiments on your genitals!" Washu warned him.

"No!" Tenchi shouted. "I didn't do anything!"

"What he's trying to say," Ayeka spoke softly, "is that Tama is the perfect domestic, and a wonderful cook."

"So what's the big deal?" Washu crossed her arms. "That's what she is supposed to be."

"She's such a good cook that we ask her to feed us even when we're not hungry," Ryoko added.

"Yes, and she doesn't hesitate to do all of the chores around the house." Ayeka added. "_All_ of them."

"And unlike Sasami, she'll make us something to eat whenever we ask her," Ryoko sighed. "I hate to admit it, but Tama is too much of a good thing."

"What?" cried the incredulous scientist. "This is from _overeating_?"

"Well," Ayeka looked away.

"Umm," Ryoko glanced at the ceiling.

"Ryoko!" Washu shouted. "How could you ruin your perfect body?"

"Well I.."

"You don't get fat!" the redhead cried.

"Well…" Ryoko stammered.

"It's impossible for you to get fat!" Washu insisted. "That's the way I designed you! You burn enough sugar to power a city every time you use one of your powers! You _can't _gain weight!"

"Heh-heh," Ryoko chuckled self-consciously. "Fooled you."

"Hm," Ayeka pondered. "I haven't seen you use your powers lately…"

"And you!" Washu turned her attention to the princess. "How could you get so large! The royal family of Jurai has been genetically altered to remain beautiful no matter how much weight they gain! You should look like Mae West not Missus Pacman!"

"Erg," Ayeka choked. "I guess that pudding was more fattening than I thought…"

"And you!" Washu pointed at Tenchi's leg that was in a cast. "What happened to you, did you get so hungry that you chewed your leg off?"

"No," Tenchi grumbled. "I hurt my foot. Tama took care of me and then I went to seed."

"Why didn't you come to me?" Washu demanded. "I could have repaired it in less than five minutes!"

"I didn't want to catch Jurian Blood Burn," Tenchi looked down at the floor.

"The Jurian Blood Burn?" Washu said incredulously. "It doesn't exist anymore. I cured it over ten thousand years ago. It's gone. Extinct. Kaput."

"But Washu," Ayeka protested. "I thought you said that _Sasami_ had the Jurian Blood Burn."

"Ooh!" Washu pursed her lips as her eyes bulged out guiltily. Now it was the redhead's turn to laugh self-consciously. "Well, to tell you the truth, Sasami just has a cold."

"WHAT?" Ayeka, Ryoko, and Tenchi shouted.

"Yeah," Washu rubbed the back of her neck and looked away. "It seemed like the best way to get you guys to leave her alone would be to tell you guys that she had a deadly disease. When you guys started cleaning the house, I figured the place could use tidying up anyway, and that it would keep you busy."

"You mean we went to all that trouble for nothing?" Ryoko asked angrily.

"What trouble?" Washu retorted. "From where I'm standing it looks like Tama has been going through all the trouble and you guys have been kickin' back!"

"Well we worried," Ayeka grumbled quietly. "That's why we couldn't stop eating. We were nervous eaters."

"Well that ends now," Washu announced. "I'm taking Tama back and you guys can fend for yourselves."

"What?" Ryoko cried.

"But who's going to take care of us?" Ayeka asked. "In this condition, we're helpless!"

"Mihoshi can do an adequate job, and I'm sure she won't mind," Washu replied as she crossed her arms and tapped her foot. "I'll just create some subspace interference so the Galaxy Police won't be able to get in contact with her until you girls lose enough weight to take care of yourselves."

"Hey guys!" Mihoshi called from the kitchen. "Tama is making spaghetti! She's making that sauce that we all just _love_! Come in here, it's almost ready!"

Tenchi pulled his potbellied form out of the couch with his crutch. The spherical Ryoko and Ayeka attempted to get up but could only flail their limbs like helpless infants and make grunts and cooing noises. The teenage boy hobbled halfway to the kitchen before he stopped. Blushing, he looked back at Washu and chuckled self-consciously.

Washu smiled, closed her eyes and shook her head. "Come on back to my lab, Tenchi," she said. "I'll fix your foot so you'll be able to exercise off that pot."

"Hey what about us?" Ryoko demanded.

"Yes," Ayeka added. "You aren't just going to leave us like this, are you?"

"Why not?" Washu smirked cruelly. "With you two looking like parade floats I've got a much better chance to seduce Tenchi!"

"Why you!" Ryoko growled.

"I will not allow it!" Ayeka cried.

The two overweight ladies grunted and squirmed helplessly as they reached out to grab the little redhead and rend her limb from limb. Washu just laughed like the mad scientist she was.

Even Tenchi had to admit that they looked pretty comical. "Heh-heh-heh! That's funny," he sighed.

END


End file.
